One of the things that scares men the most when they’re interested in a woman is getting friend-zoned, a situation most men are unfortunately familiar with. You meet a woman at a social event or at work, you start hanging out with her, you go out with her and her friends, you spend hours talking and you text all the time.
Meanwhile, your feelings for her grow stronger and stronger until you decide to declare yourself or simply make a move to show your interest. And that’s when the famous words come out of their mouth: “I am sorry, but I only see you as a friend”.
Variations of the same sentence include: “We have a special relationship, and I don’t want to ruin it” or “But you are like a brother to me”. Confused and disappointed, some men continue to chase her in vain while others stop talking to her altogether.
Time goes by and they end up repeating the same mistake with another woman. Why does this happen? Is it because you don’t have what it takes to attract her or it’s because your entire approach has been wrong from the beginning? It may be the first (and that’s why you should work on reinforcing the traits that make you more attractive to women) but often it’s the second reason.
In this article, we will focus on how to avoid the friend zone by giving the interaction the right framework from the beginning.
The Longer You Are in the Friend Zone, the More Difficult It Is to Get Out
Interaction between human beings tends to be defined in the first part of the relationship and then solidify as time passes. Think of a friend you have had for several years. At this point, it would be very difficult to change the way he sees you, perceives you, and behaves around you, right?
Interactions with women tend to follow a similar logic. The first days and weeks are very important in determining how she will perceive you in the long term. There are certainly cases when people who have been friends for a long time end up starting a romantic relationship down the road but, statistically, these tend to be the exceptions and not the rule.
The more time goes by, the more difficult it is for a woman to change the way she grew accustomed to seeing you and feeling about you. Some men resent women and start acting bitterly when a woman they have been interested in for months without making their intentions from the beginning.
In their eyes, the woman is guilty of not reciprocating the nice feelings that they have towards her. Yet not only does this behavior makes things worse, but it’s also unfair towards her. She may have started to care about you as a friend and mistreating her for her lack of romantic interest is not really the right way to treat her.
It’s therefore important that you avoid ending up in the friend zone in the first place, and if you are drifting towards the friend zone within a couple of weeks of meeting her, change your behavior before it’s too late.
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Show Interest from the Beginning of the Relationship
A lot of men mistake the idea of “showing interest” with either romantic love declarations or, worse, hitting on random girls you meet at bars and clubs.
While you may declare your deep love to a woman after having been in a relationship with her for a long time and while there’s nothing wrong with meeting new women in a nightlife venue, showing a woman that you’re interested in her can happen in much simpler and less spectacular ways. It’s the way you set the tone of the interaction that communicates to a woman that you don’t see her as a new buddy but as possible dating material.
Part of this has to do with your body language.
Giving her a mild flirty look from time to time or not shying away from a light touch on her shoulder or hand, as well as reading her interest signals and responding to them are examples of how you show interest without using your words.
Another important part is getting her contact early in the interaction and asking her out. This of course doesn’t mean taking her Instagram contact after you say “Hello” but it usually involves asking her for her phone number or some other form of instant messaging contact at the end of the first or second interaction you had with her.
When you have her contact, it’s important to avoid texting for ages before asking her out. Exchange some messages and then ask her if she wants to meet for coffee or a quick bite to eat. Avoid situations that involve seeing her too often in social gatherings before it’s clear that you two are dating.
This is a very common mistake that men do. A woman will ask them if they want to come to this home party she’s organizing with her friends and men would mistake take for a sign of interest.
Remember that when a woman sees you as dating material, she welcomes the possibility of seeing you alone.
Moreover, a request to participate and be seen with you at a social gathering may very well be an attempt to make another guy she’s interested. Of course, being so direct from the beginning of the relationship involves a risk of rejection.
You won’t be able to date any single woman you’re interested in but by showing interest early on, you will be able to understand which women are ready to date you and which ones would just end up wasting your time and possibly give you a lot of heartaches.
It’s important that you don’t mistake showing interest in complimenting a woman all the time. Telling her every few seconds how beautiful she is or how great she is is not the right behavior to generate attraction.
Showing that she interests you as a possible dating partner doesn’t have to be spectacular or exaggerated. Only the minimum necessary for her to know that you don’t see her as a friend.
Don’t Be Overly Available to Her
When guys meet a woman, they really like, they often make the mistake of being available for texting, talking, or meeting her any time she wants.
They associate any communication from this woman with a display of interest on her part. The reality is that women tend to be less attracted to men who don’t seem to value their own personal lives, schedules, and activities more than her.
In contrast, they tend to be attracted by men who have their priorities straight and only have a limited amount of time to hang out with them. Making yourself a bit scarce, by not replying instantly to her texts, not engaging in very long phone conversations before you have been dating for a while, display the fact that you’re busy and that you have an interesting life outside of her.
Don’t make her the center of your universe. Instead, attract her by making your own life as interesting and magnetic as possible.
Try to see this from a woman’s perspective. She meets a man who’s constantly texting her, joining her for every party and hang-out with her friends, and who doesn’t seem to have too much of a life of his own.
Two weeks later, she meets a man who asks her for her phone number at the end of the interaction, texts her a few days later to grab a drink, doesn’t reply too often to her texts, and doesn’t seem to be interested in participating in hang-out group activities.
After she accepts going out with him alone, she learns that he has various hobbies, travels a lot, and reads a new book every month. The likelihood she is going to end up with the second man and contact the first man when she just wants to hang out or talk about her relationship problems is significant.
Make your life as interesting as possible and see dating women as just one of the many activities you do.
Don’t Behave like She is Your Only Dating Option
This one is very counter-intuitive, and many men initially don’t grasp it. They believe that giving a woman the impression that she is their primary dating target and the one they are willing to invest all their energies in makes women more interested in them because of women like attention and feeling special.
While it is true that women like being appreciated and that they don’t mind the attention from any man (whether they are interested or not), it is also true that they are usually more attracted by guys who have their options when it comes to dating. They can’t help more attracted to a man when they realize that there are various women who are interested in dating him.
What new movie are you more likely to watch? The one everybody wants to watch or the one that nobody seems to be interested in? It’s therefore important that, while you display your interest in dating and seeing a woman, you also don’t give the impression that your dating life is over if she stops seeing you.
This of course doesn’t mean boasting about how many women you’ve been with or how many ladies have given you their phone numbers last week. Having an abundance of options is displayed by not being needy, clingy, and overly willing to hang out with her any option.
She will automatically realize that your dating life doesn’t end with them, and this will make you more attractive and generate a healthy competition with other members of her gender.
RELATED: The Best Places to Meet Women During the Day
Don’t Make Her Take Your for Granted
One secret rule of attraction that many men don’t seem to grasp is that many women love chasing men. When they are very attractive, women are usually used to being pursued and chased by men all the time.
When they meet a man who made clear he liked them and whose personality is magnetic but who doesn’t give her the impression that they can have him with the snap of their fingers, they find themselves in the unusual situation of having to “chase him”. And they love it.
Don’t make her too comfortable about the idea that she can date you when and how she feels like. This doesn’t mean being dismissive or showing that you are not interested. Let her know you like her, ask her out, trying to move things forward physically and romantically when you are on a date but don’t go beyond that and take a couple of steps back if you have the feeling she’s holding back and believes that she will get serious with you only when and if she wants to.
Avoiding the Friend Zone Doesn’t Mean Acting Like a Bad Boy
Some men mistake these tips for being arrogant, overly cocky, and disrespectful towards women they like. This type of behavior won’t get you in the friend zone, but it will alienate that woman altogether. You must find the right balance between avoiding neediness, clinginess, or over-availability and being rude, completely unavailable, and dismissive.
You are looking for a more intermediate option: a confident man with an interesting independent life, who shows in interest in dating a woman, who appreciates her feminine qualities, but won’t go chase her like a puppy and do everything just to be with her.
Finding this balance may be a bit difficult at first but it will become second nature in the long term. When women look for a dating partner, they look neither for a super-friendly confidant and hang-out buddy nor for an arrogant, male-chauvinist, and asocial jerk.
They want an interesting man with an interesting life and that makes them feel all those emotions related to attraction.
RELATED: The Best Tips for Dating After a Long-Term Relationship
Accept When a Girl Just Isn’t the One for You
There are cases when two people just don’t click. Investing too much energy and time in the same person is one of the typical mistakes that men do. Don’t give up too early but don’t waste too much time on the same women also and don’t keep other options open.
Remember that the feeling of infatuation you often feel for a woman you barely know is often not the real love that exists between two people who have been in a relationship with each other for a long time and love the other person for who she or he really is.
In the early stages of dating, it’s important to know how to give up on women who just aren’t for you because they are interested in a completely different type of person or are pursuing another man they’re madly attracted to.
Giving up on that person is the first step to finding a person who will reciprocate your attraction and allow you to experience a great, fruitful romantic relationship.
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