If you are having trouble with your dating life, whether it is not being able to start a conversation with a woman or failing to escalate things at a later stage or going out again with her after the first date, chances are you are making some of the most common dating mistakes men make.
Because female psychology tends to be different from male psychology, understanding these mistakes may be a bit counter-intuitive if you are looking at things from typical “male perspective”.
In these articles, we are going to explore some of the most typical mistakes that men make, and we are going to give you some great tips on how to best avoid them.
1) Complimenting Her too Often
This is probably the most common mistake of all constantly making comments and remarks aimed at complimenting her for her looks, personality, and life activities.
Men who make this mistake usually don’t understand the most basic truth behind attraction: the goal is to make her interested in you as a man and as a person, not communicating how much you like her.
If you have little to zero attraction to a woman, would you like her more because she constantly tells you how nice you are, how handsome you look and how big your muscles are? Of course not. So why would you think a woman would be more interested in you if you simply showered her with compliments?
What you want to do instead is using the interaction with her to display those traits that tend to “turn a woman on” and make her feel a gravitational pull towards you.
Traits like confidence, body language, emotional intelligence, and great life experiences.
You can throw a soft compliment here and there, maybe paired with humor or witty sarcasm, after you have displayed all the right attractive traits This will feel completely different to her than complimenting her too much from the beginning.
The same also goes for gifts. You shouldn’t buy her any gifts at all in the first part of the dating process. As a matter of fact, you shouldn’t even assume that you must pay the entire bill when the two of you go out for coffee or dinner.
Presents are for a later part of the interaction and should be reciprocal:she should buy you presents with the same (or higher frequency) as you buy her presents.
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2) Declaring Too Soon How You Feel About Her
Movies and TV shows have brought us to believe that courageous and blunt declarations of love will make women fall head over heels for us.
Unfortunately, down here in the real world, things tend to be very different from Hollywood love scenes and romantic fairy tales.
If you haven’t built enough attraction, telling a girl how much you like her and how madly in love you are with her may end up having the opposite effect.
She may be turned off by this behavior and feel like it’s a bit too much and too soon. As we said before, what really makes a difference is how much attraction she develops when exposed to your manly and personal qualities, not knowing how strong your emotions for her are.
Displaying your interest in her is something that should be done gradually and reciprocally. The more she uncovers her interest in you, the more you can do the same in very subtle and essential way.
Ideally, in the first stages of dating, she should be pursuing you more than you are pursuing her. It’s also a great idea to avoid being perceived as “too soft and gentle” during the initial stages. You don’t have to behave like a toxic “bad guy” but being intriguing and mildly rough at the beginning of the relationship may help you attract her faster.
Keep your softer side instore and save it for a later part of the relationship, when attraction has already been developed and the two of you have already gotten physical.
In a later stage, showing your caring and romantic side from time to time can be a great way to cement the relationship.
3) Excessive Texting
Texting is a great communication tool if used in the right way, that is, to get in touch with her after first getting her number, getting in touch with her for the first time after you met her, as well as setting up dates.
Unfortunately, many men tend to resort too much to texting and use it as an alternative way to carry on interactions that should happen in person instead.
It’s important that you don’t see texting as the main channel of communication but only as a supplementary tool in your dating game. Some common mistakes men make include initiating texting too often, writing very long texts, use too many emojis.
The ideal would be for her to initiate texting more often than you. Don’t put all your cards on the table and let her chase you a bit. Many men don’t realize that women enjoy a challenge and slowly getting to know you better. Try and be a bit of a mystery to her.
One thing you should definitely never do is texting her twice in a row if she didn’t reply to your first text or, even worse, asking her why she hasn’t answered your text fast enough. This behavior conveys neediness, which is one of the major killers or attraction.
If she’s not responding to your texts quickly, just relax and realize it’s not the end of the world if she doesn’t reply. Ironically, avoiding chasing her increases the chances that she will eventually reply to your texts.
4) Don’t Lean in Too Much to Talk to Her
Neediness is also conveyed when you have the wrong body language during your interaction with a woman. If you are out on a date with her and your body is leaning too much towards her, as if you are making an additional effort to communicate that you’re giving her all the attention in the world, she may eventually be turned off.
What you should do instead is to relax, kick back and convey that you are participating in the interaction for your own enjoyment.
Again, this is counter-intuitive, because many men are afraid that this attitude may make them come across as arrogant and uncaring. Obviously, it’s important to avoid extreme behaviors and communicate that you don’t care at all about he and what she is saying.
Your goal should be to be perceived as confident enough to enjoy interaction with her without making her the only center of your perspective.
Chill, look around from time to time to notice the surroundings and the other people, and then move your eyes again towards her to participate in the interaction. Take your time and set your own rhythm without being overly cocky.
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5) Don’t Be Too Available All the Time
When men really like a woman, they tend to make themselves readily available any time she gets in touch with them, whether it’s texting,calling or helping her with something.
While there’s nothing wrong with giving women attention, being so available all the time communicates that she’s the only center of your world and that you basically don’t have a life of your own that’s as worthy as her. This will eventually diminish your value in her eyes and cause her to gradually lose attraction.
It’s important that you make women one of the many things you focus your energy on rather than “the thing” you invest all your time and dedication on.
A man who’s busy, is focused on his work, has a rich social life, has hobbies and is not willing to sacrifice these parts of his life for a woman is, counter-intuitively, more attractive, and interesting to her than a man who has put her on a pedestal and is willing to cancel any other appointment or item on his schedule to find more time for her.
Of course, you don’t want to treat a woman dismissively, as if she wasn’t important to you at all. Your goal should be to give her the right amount of attention and to avoid changing your other plans and activities just so that you can meet her or be there for her all the time.
6) Avoid Drinking Too Much When You’re Out with a Girl
Until now, we have mostly covered mistakes that have to do with being excessively needy and clingy.
Yet there are also other types of mistakes that you can make and that will make her perceive you as unpleasant to be around or worse.
One of such mistakes is to use alcohol as a substitute for real confidence. Many guys think that drinking excessively will make them less self-conscious and more direct when they are interacting with women. While it’s true that a couple of beers more may give you what it takes to approach a woman, it’s very likely that you will end up coming across as obnoxious, disrespectful, or right-down weird.
Drinking is not an alternative to developing the actual confidence you need to approach and interact with women when you’re sober. When you’re out with a girl you want your mind to be clear and focused. Having too many drinks may make you behave in ways you will very soon regret as well as putting women off.
7) Don’t Ask Her to Lead the Interaction
One thing a woman tends to find very attractive is when men are leading and directing the interaction.
Showing up for a date and asking her to decide where she wants to go or what she wants to do without having already a plan in mind makes her perceive you as not confident and stable enough.
Always have a clear idea of what to do that night before you go out. Try to have a plan B and even a plan C in case plan A doesn’t work out for one reason or another.
Let’s say that the park at which you have decided to meet is closed and she asks you “So, where are we going?”
The worst answer you can give is “I don’t know, where do you wanna go?” A much better response would be “I know this great café is not too far from here, let’s go”.
Don’t be afraid to lead and show her the way. Women tend to be attracted by a guy who knows what he is doing. This is also important when you are having a conversation with her. Expecting her to come up with a new topic or experience to talk about may put a lot of pressure on her or simply bore her.
Always keep track of where the conversation is going and what you guys can talk about next, once the current topic is spent. Register right now and check out your skills at once!
8) Don’t Try to Look Better by Talking Bad About Other Men
Many men try to be perceived as cool and valuable by making negative or toxic comments about other men.
They assume that by lowering the value of their “competitors” in the eyes of a woman, she will end up being more attracted to them. This is actually a very bad strategy.
If your best way to be perceived as interesting is bashing other people, chances are that she will notice what you’re trying to do and see you as not being valuable enough to attract women with your own, genuine qualities.
Also, you don’t want to talk bad about your ex-girlfriend or wife because she may end up thinking that you cannot really handle the later stage of a relationship and that things between you two may eventually take a turn for the worse.
If she asks you why things didn’t work out between your ex and you, just mention that you had very different personalities or life goals without insulting or disrespecting your old partner. It’s actually a good idea to avoid talking too much about other people when you’re on a date with a woman, unless they are famous people everybody talks about in general conversations.
The conversation should mostly focus on and her and your, your life experiences, and everything that helps you connect emotionally to each other.
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