online chatting with girls tips

Online dating has revolutionized the way people meet, get to know and arrange how to meet each other.

In many countries, it is now the most popular way for single people to meet new partners. It’s more likely for a man to meet his better half online than it is to meet her through social or work connections.

Yet not everybody seems to have the same success with this modern tool. Creating an interesting and intriguing profile is only the first step for those who want to succeed at this “game”.

If you really want to up your game, you need to know how to chat in online dating.

Let’s say you have set up your account, added the best photo collection, written a very tantalizing profile description, and gotten a match with a profile you find interesting.

Matches are great but they don’t amount to anything until you’re actively interacting with the other person.

So how do you start the first conversation with an attractive potential partner and how do you keep it going?

Keep reading to find the answer to these questions in detail!

What NOT to Say: Avoid Being too Cheesy and Goofy

Some may see them as cool, direct catchphrases but openers like “Hey beautiful” or “Your body is very hot” are usually not the best way to start the conversion.

While they may work under very rare and specific circumstances (for example, when the other person is just looking for a quick hook-up and is already heavily and instantly attracted by your looks alone), they usually come across as unoriginal,clownish or right-down disrespectful.

These opening lines give women the impression you only them as sexual objects and not as human beings. Even when they may be interested in you sexually, this is often seen as “too much, too early”.

how to talk to girls online

This is also true goes for heavily romantic and poetic openers. While they may sound nice, they often come across as either fake or goofy.

It’s also important to avoid lazy openers. A simple “Hi” or “What’s up?” is probably not going to work unless she’s already extremely interested in your profile.

At the same time, you don’t want your first message to be too long. This is mainly for two reasons.

First, because women usually only read the first part of the message on their app before deciding whether to open it. That’s why it’s important to catch her interest right from the start of the message. Second, she won’t invest a lot of time in reading a message from a man she doesn’t know yet.

The message must be concise and able to convey the most important information and emotions in one or two messages.

Remember that when you first talk to a woman, your goal should be to know more about them the same way she wants to know more about you. It should be a bilateral social exchange and not just a pursuer-target exchange.

RELATED:  The Best Tips for Dating After a Long-Term Relationship

The First Message: Display Genuine Interest

Women, and people in general, tend to respond better to those who are sincerely interested in traits of their personality or everyday life.

If you are passionate about basketball and rock music, which of these two messages is more likely to catch your interest:

“Hey, how you doin’?”


“I found your profile very interesting. It’s great that you like rock too. Been to any cool concert lately?”

Most people are much more likely to reply to the second opener because it gives them an immediate and genuine reason to connect with another human being.

And the first step of a conversation is all about creating that human connection.

You can also hint at elements of her picture to show genuine interest in her life and personality. Something on the lines of:

“The beach in your picture reminds me of one of my favorite holiday spots. Where was that taken?”


“I really like your style in the pictures. Do you study fashion or is it just a hobby?”

Compliments as Icebreakers: The Right Way to Do it

As mentioned early, lame, and dull comments about her looks and sexiness are usually not very effective.

That’s because most attractive women already know guys like their looks, and they receive dozens of such messages every day.

This doesn’t mean that you cannot use a compliment to start a conversation. An unexpected, low-key comment paired with creativity or humor can be a very effective opener.

online chatting with girls tips


Compare these two sentences:

“Hey there, you look very sexy”


“You look a cool type. Do you also have a cool voice, or do you sound like my aunt?”

The right type of humor works very well with compliments because it defuses part of the tension created by a direct display of interest.

An overly direct compliment alone may raise her guard, but a down-to-earth compliment paired with an original, witty joke will both show you’re interested and create a positive connection.

Of course, humor is a double-edged sword. When used carelessly, it may very well offend the other person. For example, many women may be offended by this variation of the previous opening line:

“You look a cool type. Do you also have a cool voice, or do you sound like a witch?”

Find the right combination of flattering and joking. It may not go well the first couple of times, but you’ll soon get the hang of it.

RELATED: The Best Places to Meet Women During the Day

Most First Replies are a Win

Women receive a lot of ‘first messages’ from men on dating apps, especially the most attractive ones. When the opener is not eye-catching or intriguing enough, they usually don’t reply.

If they’re taking the time to answer your message, there is a high chance that they found your approach interesting enough.

Some guys brush off short replies by women as cold or arrogant. They take it personally and don’t continue the conversation.

Instead, you should focus on the fact that you’re probably one of the few guys that she replied to on that day.

Here’s an example:

YOU: “I saw your pictures and you look like a beach volley expert. But I am sure I’d beat you easily.”
HER: “LOL haha”

If you’re overly self-absorbed, you may think she’s just giving you a lazy, dismissive, or even mocking answer.

Yet chances are that your message stood out from the rest and you’re the only guy she even bother to reply to in the last 10 hours.

Your job now is to take advantage of this window of opportunity and stabilize the interaction.

You’ve Got Her Attention. How Do You Keep It?

The second message (or first reply) is as important as the first message because it’s the crucial link between catching her attention and having a full conversation.

It’s not uncommon for guys to ruin the opportunity created by an effective opening line with a lame and uninteresting second message. Here is an example:

YOU: “Saw you’re into movies too. Seen something interesting lately?”
HER: “Not really”
YOU: “You’re very beautiful by the way”

In this example, you’re just moving the “typical mistake” of being overly cheesy from the first to the second message. It’s important to be coherent with your initial attitude, or she’ll immediately see that the first message was only a manipulative attempt at getting her to reply.

how to start a conversation with a girl

A second message should reinforce the genuine interest you conveyed with your first message. Here is an example:

YOU: “Saw you’re into movies too. Seen something interesting lately?”
HER: “Not really”
YOU: “Too bad there isn’t a great new movie every Saturday. What’s your favorite movie by the way?”

Make sure you have read her profile carefully and use your common interests, hobbies, and opinions to create a bonding connection with her.

Nowadays, online dating profiles tend to be quite long and filled with useful information about that person. By going through all the details, you’re very likely to find at least one or two shared interests or traits that will allow you to create a genuine and interesting exchange with her.

The more similarities and connection topics you have, the more tools you have to keep the conversation going in a real and authentic way.

It’s important that the conversation feels natural and doesn’t feel forced or artificial to her.

At this stage of the interaction, you want to create the right mix of interest and comfort to make sure that she knows you’re interested, and she feels close enough to lower her guard when interacting with you.

You don’t want to become her new best friend, but you also don’t want to come across as the guy who’s only out to “hit on girls”.

It’s All About Evoking the Right Feelings

In the first part of the conversation, what matters is mostly how she feels.

Being excessively rational and trying to connect with her on an excessively rational level is not going to help you in keeping the conversation alive.

If the conversation sounds monotonous to her, she will end up being bored, and eventually, she will stop answering your messages. Here’s an example of a good opener followed by excessively rational messages that don’t engager her emotionally:

YOU: “Pretty awesome shoes. Did you design them yourself?”
HER: “Haha of course not”
YOU: “I see. Do you have friends who study design?”

Compare it with this other conversation:

YOU: “Pretty awesome shoes. Did you design them yourself?”
HER: “Haha of course not”
YOU: “Yes, I know. That was a trick question because I am the one who designed them!”
HER: “Yeah, sure 🤣”

The first conversation uses the topic of fashion to kick-start the interaction and then tries to turn it into a logical, predictable conversation about that topic.

The second conversation uses the opener to build a positive, emotional exchange.

Emotion-evoking phrases can range from humorous and entertaining to mildly provocative and flirtatious. Of course, you must make sure you’re not invoking negative emotions such as anger, sadness, or disgust.

RELATED: Here are the Best Conversation Topics on a Date

Use the Conversation to Tell Her About Yourself in an Interesting Way

When you interact with a woman for the first time, she is learning about you in the same way that you are learning about her.

While women tend to like different types of personalities in men, there are some general traits that are usually appreciated by most women. These include confidence, emotional intelligence, self-reliance, and being passionate about different activities.

It’s important that you use it to convert to display characteristics that she may find attractive. Again, this should come across naturally and not be forced or arrogant. “I am a great chef and everybody loves my cooking” will make you sound like a show-off.

Instead, hinting at your attractive traits in a spontaneous and down-to-earth way will come across as interesting and attractive. Here is an example:

YOU: “Going out for dinner tonight or eating at home?
HER: “I’ll probably cook something at home”
YOU: “Yeah, me too. Thinking of preparing some homemade Ravioli tonight. What do you think?”

How to meet a girl online It’s also clever to mention interesting things about yourself that you haven’t included in your profile. That’s why it’s always a good idea not to give away everything when you’re setting up your Tinder or profile.

Many women like men have a bit of mystery surrounding them and slowly uncovering those hidden aspects of your personality and life is one of the things that makes you most interesting.

Don’t be an open book and don’t give everything away in the first part of the conversation. Always save something for later.

Also, you don’t want to make the conversation entirely about yourself. Constantly switching the focus from her to a topic of common interest to you is the best way to make the conversation wholesome and engaging.

Not All First Messages Receive an Instant Reply

Some women may reply soon to your first message and others may not reply at all. It’s still a number’s game after all. But sometimes women reply much later after you send your opening message.

For this reason, it’s also important to “close the message” the right way.

It may be counter-intuitive but ending your first message with a phrase like “Looking forward to hearing back from you” or “Hope you enjoy the rest of the day” can be very helpful.

First, it displays that you’re not a needy man who needs instant approval from a woman he’s trying to interact with.

Second, because you’re not putting pressure on her and you’re communicating that you respect her freedom to reply when she wants to.

While 100% success in the dating game is unrealistic, using these tips wisely and keeping the focus on being genuine and evoking the right feelings will significantly increase your chances of success.

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