Love relationships are both an immense source of joy and the cause of many of our headaches. Some days they provide us with happiness and fulfillment, while other days they’re the cause of anger and stress.
While each one of us has his or her own desires, preferences, and tastes when it comes to choosing the right partner and defining what type of relationship that he or wants to be in, there are some general principles that are usually helpful in every relationship.
These have to do with the fundamental aspects of a romantic relationship, as well as basic interactions between human beings.
Following these 10 relationship rules will give you and your partner a healthy foundation you can build on to define the type of love relationship you want to share with each other.
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Don’t Depend Only on Your Relationship for Happiness
While our better half may be the most important person in our lives (alongside our children if we have them), it’s important to understand that happiness and peace of mind depend on many different factors and not even the perfect companion can be the only source of it.
There are moments (sometimes periods) in which we are not in tune with our partner, moments in which we argue, moments in which we are away from each other, and moments in which we need to spend some time with ourselves or with friends.
Happiness should be the result of many different things. While a healthy relationship may be the cornerstone of our happiness, we also need to do the activities that we love, see the friends we have the best time around, and work on self-development.
In general, it’s important to invest everything in one aspect of our life because we may feel lost or empty when we realize that part of our life is not giving us what we expect from it.
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Don’t Try to Impose Your Point of View over Your Partner’s
Even two very similar people will never be entirely identical and will carry a different set of personality traits, goals, and experiences.
This means that your partner and you will sometimes (if not often) see certain things differently, have different opinions about something, and make different choices.
For a relationship to function healthily, it’s important that each partner doesn’t try to erase the other partner’s personal view of reality. Sometimes a compromise must be found between two opposing views, while other times the two partners must simply agree to disagree.
At the same time, it’s wise for a couple to capitalize on those situations where they share a similar understanding of things. These moments solidify the relationship and reinforce the intimacy and trust between two people.
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Trust is Both a Decision and an Accomplishment
The decision to trust each other is a fundamental aspect of each relationship but it’s also important to understand that trust is built gradually, day after day.
Promising each other eternal trust is no good if your behaviors don’t reflect the promises that you gave. In a relationship, actions always prove much more than words. It’s actually not uncommon for untrustworthy partners to promise things that they won’t hold on to.
When a partner finds himself or herself having to reassure the other partners very often with words, it usually means that either the person giving the promises is not doing a very good job at keeping them or that the other person has deep unsolved issues when it comes to trust.
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Be There for Your Partner When It Matters
Caring about a person doesn’t mean being there for your partner all the time but being them for him or her when it truly matters. In a person’s life, there are sometimes moments in which that person needs the support and closeness of the ones they love more than ever.
Understanding your partner and knowing what’s important for him or her is essential to recognize those moments and make sure you are there for your loved one. And by being there I don’t mean just with your physical presence, but also with your full emotional and mental presence.
There’s nothing more disappointing and disheartening than seeing your partner uninterested or even not present when you’re going through something very important, for good or for bad.
Relationships that last are those in which the two partners don’t just have a good level of intimacy but can also be good friend with one another. The level of burning passion we feel for our lover tends to decrease a bit after the first stage of the relationship. Our desire is still there but it’s not enough to carry the relationship on its own.
That’s when other things come into play, like the ability to listen to your partner and to give good and selfless advice when they need it. This should be mutual and genuine and should not come across as forced.
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Relationships Should Be Cooperative and not Competitive
While a little competition here and there may spicy up the relationship a bit, it’s important that at the core the relationship is cooperative and that the two partners behave more like a team than like sparring partners.
After all, a couple is the foundation stone of what may become a family one day, and what makes a family successful it the ability of its members to help and support each other.
This can apply to small things, like cleaning the dishes together (or at turns) to choosing a holiday destination that satisfies both partners equally to support each other financially to helping each other reach both common and individual goals.
There shouldn’t be jealousy or resentment over each other’s accomplishments and successes. If your partner got a better job than yours, you should be happy for him or her and not feel like he or she is threatening your sense of self-worth.
The same thing is true for conversations, where it’s not important to be right all the time but to find common ground and build on that.
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Don’t See Your Partner as Your Property
Possessiveness and excessive jealousy can be asphyxiating and poisoning, especially when they are exhibited regularly over time and not just once in a while.
For a mature relationship to succeed, it’s important that you don’t see the other person as your personal property but as a free person who willingly chooses to be in a relationship with you.
It’s also important that you expect the same thing from your partner. Seeing friendships or social interactions your partner has with other people as threatening to your relationship is usually the result of your internal insecurity.
In the healthiest relationships, trust is high enough for each partner to be completely comfortable with the idea of spending time socially with other people and it’s not seen as something that poses a risk to the survival of the relationship.
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Don’t Take Disrespectful and Abusive Behaviors from Your Partner
Just as it’s crucial for a person to respect his or her love partners in a love relationship, it’s equally important to speak up and take measures when your partner is behaving disrespectfully or in a toxic way.
Some people mistake love for letting their partner get away with unacceptable behaviors. This creates the wrong idea in the other person that is not wrong to be abusive, so they’ll continue to do it indefinitely.
Loving another person doesn’t have to translate into not respecting ourselves. As a matter of fact, we can’t truly love somebody else if we don’t love and respect ourselves first. Call out your partner’s abusive and disrespectful behaviors immediately and make it clear that you’re not going to put up with them.
This also allows you to check whether your partner has a toxic personality or not. Usually, psychologically healthy people will apologize and take a couple of steps back when they’re called out on their wrong behaviors.
Sociopathic people, on the other hand, will continue to behave like that even after they’ve been warned and will usually force the break-up of the relationship.
It’s also crucial that neither of the two partners tries to make the relationship about power. Two people should be in a relationship because of the positive contribution they bring to each other’s life.
It should not be a way for one person to express his or her power of the either, whether it is psychological, emotional, sexual, or financial power. Relationships where one side is the dominating one and the other side is the submissive one are usually not healthy for either person.
Real love is not a power game and it’s about caring for each other and being there for our partner when he or she needs us. It’s also important not to use our relationship as a way to unleash any frustration we have or bad mood we may be in due to things that have happened in the external world.
Our love partner is not responsible for us not getting a promotion or having a bad relationship with one of our partners or siblings and should not be made to pay for it.
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Spend Time Together with Other People
While spending a lot of time alone with the person we are in love with is essential, a relationship shouldn’t close itself to the world entirely.
Some people spend either time with their love partner or time alone with their buddies. It’s healthy to participate in group activities as a couple and be surrounded by other people while together.
This may mean going to parties together, traveling together, participating in group events, and finding hobbies and activities that you can enjoy together with other participants. It’s also healthy to know other couples, from which you can also learn new things and improve certain aspects of your own relationship.
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Never Let Sex Become a Taboo Topic
A healthy sexual life is essential for the relationship to function properly. While our sexual drives are not always the same and there are periods in which we may not feel as lustful towards each other as the days when we first fell in love, it’s important that sex never becomes a topic you never discuss.
When two people go more than a couple of months without having sex with each other and none of the two partners feel free to bring the topic up, it means that something is not working as it should.
The idea that it’s not ok to talk about sex outside of the bedroom is very limiting and can prevent the couple from solving deep issues that may have to do with their level of trust towards each other, their level of desire toward each other, and unsolved individual issues.
In any case, it’s important to discuss them and to look for a solution together rather than letting months and months go by and the absence of sex becoming normal. This may also damage the relationship even further when the lack of sex makes one or both partners sexually interested in other people.
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Understand That Relationships are Meant to Evolve
Nothing ever stays the same. This is true for both an individual and a relationship.
As time goes by, the relationship grows and evolves, sometimes in ways that we would not have expected. Growing together and shaping your relationship to adjust to changes is the best way to make it succeed.
Some people feel disappointed and sad when things start to feel to be different from the first stage of the relationship, where burning passion for each other takes care of all obstacles. To avoid these feelings threatening the survival of the relationship, it’s important that the two people explore and adopt new ways to make the relationship thrive and expand.
Sometimes it’s also helpful to take a couple of steps back and think outside of the box. A relationship may need some sort of reinventing after two people have been for several years with each other and thinks are not working as well as they used to.
Such reinventing may come in the form of trying new activities together, giving each other some space to make those fewer moments together more magic, or even consulting relationship experts that can use their knowledge and expertise to point you in the right direction.
